


Get Away With Murder

by Katrina_Viv



Category: Jeffree Star (Musician), RPF - YouTube, youtube - Fandom
Genre: Aliens!, Dark, Dramageddon, Hopefully someone besides myself will understand all the references, I haven't yet watched all of The Secret Life of Jeffree Star so I'm sure I'll get some things wrong, I'm sure there will be more tags eventually because I'm not sure where this is going, Jeffree Star's awful song lyrics, Jeffree Star's dogs, Karmageddon, Karmic Retribution, Lots of offscreen deaths, M/M, Murder, Murder Kink, Sorry I keep editing the summary as the story evolves, Unusual murder weapons, YouTuber Drama, crimes of passion, im a chicken nugget, offscreen sex, redemption arc
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 18:08:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 5,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28817580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katrina_Viv/pseuds/Katrina_Viv
Summary: Jeffree finds a new boyfriend who's edgier than he seems. Meanwhile, controversial YouTubers are mysteriously dying. Is Jeffree involved, or is he next? And will Jeffree be able to keep his biggest secret?
Relationships: Jeffree Star/Original Male Character
Kudos: 2





	1. Party Like It's Prom Night

**Author's Note:**

> I know that in real life, Jeffree Star is a horrible person and probably deserves to be in jail...but he intrigues me and I love him as an antihero of sorts. I wanted to give my fictionalized Jeffree some happiness before things inevitably go downhill to the point of no return.
> 
> Honestly, after seeing so many YouTube drama videos, I think this story makes a lot more sense than reality, and that's sad...
> 
> Every chapter title will be one of Jeffree's song lyrics, and I'll try to work some more of his cringeworthy lyrics into the text as well.
> 
> Jeffree: If you ever read this, please consider 1. Stop lying all the time. 2. Own up to all the bad stuff you did in the past. 3. Delete your Twitter. 4. Get into therapy for anger management. I don't care that you did stupid things in your 20s, that's nothing special. Just be HONEST about it. I'm sure you've been through a lot of hurt, and I hope you find a way to heal your soul.

Jeffree Star sat on the kitchen floor, eating large spoonfuls of ice cream as tears ran down his face and mixed with his makeup, creating a colorful design that even the best setting spray couldn't protect him from. He leaned back against the refrigerator, crossing his legs at the ankles. He was still wearing the sparkly black dress and red high heels from a photoshoot earlier in the day. He would normally have changed into a velour tracksuit and sat down somewhere more comfortable, but right now, all he felt like doing was sobbing into a pint of Ben & Jerry's.

Jeffree had already texted his personal assistant, who had taken his Pomeranians out for a walk.  _ Just let the dogs in and then you can go home. I don't feel like seeing anyone tonight.  _ Soon, he heard the pitter-patter of tiny dog paws trotting into the kitchen. At least he felt a little better surrounded by his furry babies.

Jeffree did his best to never show vulnerability, if he could help it. He had made a YouTube video the previous year to tell the world how sad the haters were making him feel after the Blood Money promotional video bombed, but ever since then he had exuded confidence and fierce pride. Jeffree relished attention, just as long as people weren't critiquing the company he had worked so hard to build. Well, there was also the bad press about certain criminal allegations, but it was comically easy enough to pay people off and get them to sign NDAs. Meanwhile, even as he lost a few fans with each scandal, there were still tens of thousands of people who would continue to buy every new eyeshadow palette he introduced to the world.

So why was he crying? Because he had no friends left, aside from the people on his payroll. And beyond that, he wasn't sure he had much to look forward to in life anymore. Jeffree Star Cosmetics was thriving, but how long would it be before he ran out of ideas for new product launches? He could probably do just fine financially if he took a big step back from the internet and became a recluse, like some people _(coughcough Jenna Marbles and Richard Simmons)_ had done. Or could he pivot his career again? He had gone from being an edgy electropop singer to a glamorous YouTube icon and wealthy entrepreneur. No, that wouldn't do. He wasn't going to make more money anywhere else. Maybe he did just need a break...maybe he could learn to fly planes or something else fun that rich people liked to do. But he didn't want to completely retire yet - he was only 35! And he  _ really _ didn't want to have to go back to how his life was pre-fame. Jeffree often feared losing it all and having to go back to his family...his real family that he hadn't seen in many years, not that nice 90-year-old woman he paid to pretend to be his grandmother for Instagram purposes.

"Stay strong, Jeffree Lynn," he said to himself as he cuddled two of the dogs. "Things will look better in the morning. They always do."


	2. I Want a Boy Like Me But Hotter

_ A few days later... _

Jeffree was feeling desperate - he was so lonely these days. A loving relationship might not be in the near future, but a good fucking could take his mind off it for the time being. Jeffree opened the Grindr app on his phone and scrolled through it, hoping to find someone who could indulge his fantasy of seducing a straight boy. It wouldn't be hard to find one; the majority of gays in Wyoming surely had to be closeted and straight-passing.  _ He has to look too straight to know about Jeffree Star Cosmetics, and too young to know what MySpace is. And he has to NOT be named Nate. Or James. Or Shane. Or Kat or Trisha or Eugenia...oh. I probably won't see any of those last three, at least. And he has to have pretty lips, because I'll be looking at them a LOT. _

He found a few young men who looked promising and messaged them. A few minutes later, he was texting a cutie named Jake, who was just a few miles away.

_ \--Hi hottie. Want to come over and...  _ [Reader, you can fill in the blank because I'm trying to keep this classy!] _  
_

_ \--Haha sure! I'm up for anything. How soon do you want me there? _

_ \--As soon as you want! I'll tell the security guard I'm expecting a guest. _

_ \--Security guard?? _

_ \--Yeah, I live on a big property, that's all. _

…

A while later, Jeffree and Jake were cuddled up in Jeffree's huge bed. Jeffree was feeling quite satisfied. If Grindr was more like Lyft, he would've given Jake a 5-star review. 

"I'm glad you came over, Jake."

"No problem! I enjoyed myself too."

They lay there in silence for a few moments until Jake spoke up again.

"You sure have a beautiful house. How do you afford it?"

_ Please don't ask so many questions, _ thought Jeffree. "I'm an entrepreneur. I own two companies."

"Oh. That's cool."

Jeffree was glad that Jake seemed satisfied with his short, vague answer.

"Do you live here all alone?"

"Pretty much. I've got seven dogs here - you can meet them if you want. I have housekeeping staff, but no one but me lives here full-time. I just moved to Wyoming recently - I had a boyfriend who lived with me for a few years in California. But he broke up with me before I moved here. He said he wanted a different lifestyle. I heard he has a girlfriend now - we used to joke that he was actually straight but didn't mind being with me because I dress so girly. Now I'm wondering if that was true." Jeffree hadn't meant to tell Jake about Nate so soon, but Jake seemed so sincere and interested in what Jeffree had to say. 

"Why would you say he's straight? Why not bi or pan? You definitely don't look like a girl to me."

Jeffree was stumped. "I don't know...maybe he just wasn't comfortable with those words."

Jake started to look more closely at Jeffree's arms and chest. "You've got so many tattoos!"

"Yeah. I got most of them from a former friend of mine who's a famous tattoo artist. She did great work."

Jeffree had had enough of Jake's questions. Cuddle time was over! "I'm hungry," he said as he got out of bed and put on one of his tracksuits. "Let's go get a snack."

Jeffree let the Pomeranians out of their room as he and Jake walked to the kitchen. Luckily, as they ate Cheez-Its and strawberries, Jake's only questions were about the dogs.

Jeffree liked Jake, but he didn't feel like answering any more questions. "I'll walk you out to your car," he said. "I can show you more of the house next time."

"Next time?" asked Jake, smiling. "You want to see me again?"

"Of course!" Jeffree said. "I like you, Jake."

"And I like you, Jeffree!"

"One more thing - I don't know if you took any pictures while you were here, but please don't post anything on Instagram. People might recognize my house and start speculating about stuff."

"No worries there - I just use Instagram for the memes!"

Jeffree gave Jake a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek before he drove away.

_ Wow.  _ Jeffree had expected a one-night stand followed by more loneliness, but there was something special about Jake.

...

A few days later, Jake was back at Jeffree's place for some more adult fun time. Afterwards, Jeffree showed Jake more of the house. Jake still didn't seem to have any knowledge of Jeffree's fame or career - and Jeffree liked it that way. Jake seemed like the kind of guy who would go home and play video games, instead of going home to search Google and Wikipedia.

Jeffree still hadn't shown Jake any of his makeup or fancy clothes - he didn't know if Jake might find that off-putting. At least Jake didn't seem to mind Jeffree's pink bedroom.

"Jake…" said Jeffree, already afraid he might regret what he was about to ask. "Do you want to spend the night here? I'd love to have some company in bed."

Jake looked surprised and thought about it for a minute. "I mean, I don't have anywhere else I have to be...sure!"

"The dogs always sleep on my bed, so I don't know if that might bother you…"

"Not at all," Jake said. "I love your dogs!"

It was settled, then. It wouldn't be the same as snuggling with Nate, but it would be nice to have another person sleeping next to him for the first time in a long while. And he was already looking forward to cooking breakfast for Jake the next morning!


	3. Did You Know That I Get Paid to Be Me?

Jeffree checked his triple-encrypted messages on his space-age computer in the super-secret room that opened only with his fingerprints.

Jeffree was part of a long-term psychological study of human society, which began in response to the atrocities of World War II. He was a field agent for the team testing just how many horrendous actions a celebrity (such as the actually human Adolf Hitler) could get away with while maintaining their fame and societal adulation. A lot of his fellow spies had chosen a business/political sort of career (Donald Trump and Alex Jones being two of the most notable) but Jeffree relished his role as an eccentric singer-turned-YouTube influencer/businessman. He had built his life from the ground up after being dropped off in the mid-2000s with his human assimilation starter pack. He really did love making deals behind the scenes that would earn him more and more money, and he got to express his artistic side through designing new products for his cosmetics company.

So much of his life was real. Too real. He really missed some of his friends - he'd intentionally driven all of them away for the purposes of the study, not because he actually disliked all of them. He thought James Charles was a good kid. Sure, Jeffree had been jealous of his quick rise to fame, but he would never have trashed James's reputation without the agency telling him to. Trisha Paytas had been a good friend too, as strange as she was.

So far, this study was proving his worst fears true. Humans were intoxicated by fame and charismatic personalities. No matter how many people hated him, he was still famous and rich.

Luckily, Jeffree's love life was an area where he had complete freedom. His relationship with Nate had been very real, and he was hoping that Jake would stick around for a while, too.

So, if you've ever wondered why Jeffree is always getting involved in scandals, contradicting his previous statements, and never truly apologizing for anything - that's because his ultimate mission is to get people to hate him. It's all part of a giant experiment.

(Shane Dawson, however, is just a trash garbage human of his own free will. Jeffree hated Shane, but had to keep him around the longest to receive optimum hate.)


	4. I'll Give You Jeffree Star for Dinner

Jeffree wanted to take Jake on a real date, somewhere other than Jeffree's house. Would Jake be willing to be seen with him in public, admitting that this was more than just a hookup?

Jeffree texted Jake:

_ -Want to go out for dinner tomorrow night? My treat. And wear something nice. :) _

_ -You bet! I’ll see you then. :) _

Now Jeffree had to figure out what he would wear...he wanted to dress up, but not look  _ too _ girly. No dresses! He decided to go with a loose, silky blue jumpsuit and short high-heeled boots. For makeup, he'd keep it simple - a smokey eye, a touch of lip gloss, and natural-looking, albeit drawn-on, eyebrows. He'd style his natural hair too, instead of wearing one of his colorful wigs.  That seemed like a good plan to introduce Jake to Jeffree's flamboyant sense of style. He'd look pretty, but not  _ too  _ eye-catching.

...

Jeffree arrived at the restaurant first, a bit nervous, even though he knew he shouldn’t be. Soon Jake walked through the door, wearing a sleek black suit with a bow tie.  _ He's gorgeous! _ thought Jeffree.

"Wow," said Jake when he saw Jeffree. "You look wonderful." 

"Thank you, honey," said Jeffree, slipping a bit into the stereotypical "gay" way of speaking he used in some of his YouTube videos.

Jake smiled. "I like a man who's not afraid to express himself."

“I love your outfit, too,” said Jeffree. “You dressed up nicer than I was expecting!”

As they waited for their food to arrive, Jake and Jeffree told each other more about their lives.

"I'm an assistant manager at a grocery store," said Jake, "but I'm learning web design right now. I think I'd enjoy that a lot more as a career." Jake went on to talk about how he had always lived in Wyoming, and still lived close to his family. His family knew he was gay, but otherwise it was something he kept to himself, so it was hard for him to find potential dates. He had never had a long-term boyfriend.

Jeffree opened up more to Jake about his career. "I used to be a singer...the sort of music goth and emo kids in the 2000s liked. You could say I was 'MySpace famous,' if you even know what MySpace is. But then I started my makeup company and became 'YouTube famous' along the way. I haven't posted as many videos lately, though...I've been focusing more on building my brand and creating new eyeshadow palettes themed around different colors. My latest one is full of green shades."

"Wow, that's really cool!" said Jake. "But remember, I liked you before I knew you were any kind of famous.”

Jeffree wasn't sure how to respond. He didn’t often get to befriend people outside of the makeup/fashion/vlogging YouTube community.

"Yeah, I've tried to play it cool and not show off too much to you," he said eventually. "You'd probably think twice about coming over to my place the first time if I told you I was a multimillionaire, or if you saw me in a dress with full makeup. I don't even have my acrylics on right now!" he said, holding up one hand so Jake could see his nails.

"What are acrylics?" Jake asked.

Jeffree was amused by how much Jake didn't know about his lifestyle. "Long fake fingernails," he explained, wiggling his fingers before putting his hand back down.

...

“So, what do you want to do now?” asked Jeffree after they finished their food and their conversation started to lag. “I haven’t been on a proper date in so long. Is there anywhere else you want to go?”

“Well, we could play it cool, give each other a kiss goodnight and each go home...” said Jake with a playful smile. "Make you miss me bad until next time. Or, we could go back to your place again and have some more fun. Or my place, but I’d much rather go to your place.”

That sounded good to Jeffree. Since they had each driven to the restaurant separately, they decided to drive their own cars to Jeffree’s house instead of trying to drive together and having to come back for the other car later. Once they had both arrived, they walked into Jeffree’s house together...something about the way Jeffree’s lip gloss caught the light as they entered the house made Jake impulsively grab Jeffree and kiss him passionately. Jeffree was caught off guard, but he decided to just go with it.

“So you’re a good kisser, too,” said Jeffree once Jake had loosened his grip. Somehow, they had never gotten around to kissing during their previous encounters.

“Thanks,” said Jake with a bashful smile.

“I think you’re good at  _ everything _ ,” said Jeffree.

Jake laughed a bit. “Well, I’d say that so far, I think you’re good at everything, too.”

“Well, I’ve had a lot of practice...” Jeffree trailed off, feeling embarrassed. He didn’t want Jake thinking about Jeffree being with other guys.

Jake didn’t seem to mind the implications. “You can show me what you’ve learned from all that practice,” he said mischievously, wiggling his eyebrows at Jeffree.

"Well then, we’d better get started," said Jeffree. “I definitely need more of those kisses, too.”


	5. I Want a Love So Good

Jake really  _ was _ good at everything they wanted to do together. Every encounter left both of them feeling happy and satisfied - and looking forward to the next time when they'd do it all over again. It was easy to talk to him, too. They had so little in common, but they enjoyed learning more about each other's lives.

Jeffree occasionally took selfies with Jake, but just for him to look at when they weren’t together. Jeffree kept Jake completely off his Instagram account - he didn't need to learn that lesson again. Andre, his previous casual partner, had been recognized by some of Jeffree’s fans, even though Jeffree hadn't posted any pictures that showed his face. Jeffree didn't want any trouble for Jake. He wanted to feel like Jake was his little secret - a very happy secret.

Jeffree was falling  _ hard _ for Jake. This wasn't just about sex anymore, it was also about gentle kisses and lingering caresses...falling asleep while cuddling...or just lying there smiling at each other because they adored each other so much. Their text messages had changed from just  _ Want to come over tonight?  _ to include things like  _ Hope you're having a good day! _ and  _ I know you just left but I already miss seeing your cute smile! _

One time, Jake came over just as a thunderstorm started, and they just cuddled on the sofa, surrounded by Jeffree’s dogs, listening to the rain and running their fingers through each other's hair, interspersed with occasional kisses. Somehow, that in itself was satisfying, too.

Another time, Jake came over when Jeffree was still wearing a dress, full makeup, and a long blond wig after filming a YouTube video. Jake’s eyes bugged out a bit when he saw Jeffree like that.

"Oh. Wow," was all Jake could say. 

"Well, thank you, darling." Jeffree gave Jake a hug.

"Okay, it really is you under there," joked Jake.

"What do you think?" asked Jeffree, striking a pose.

"It's...different," said Jake. "It'll take me a little while to get used to, but it really suits you well. I understand now what you were saying about 'dressing girly.'"

"I just love fashion," said Jeffree. "And women's clothes are just so pretty - I have to wear them! And I love giving off an androgynous vibe, too. I don’t care what anyone else thinks. I don’t let anyone tell me I should look a different way."

"All right," said Jake, still trying to take it all in.

Jeffree smiled. "I'm going to go morph(e) back into my more boring, normal self," he said. "You get comfy while I take this makeup off." He didn't want to make Jake endure any lipstick-stained kisses. The dress, though - he was going to take that off in front of Jake. ;)


	6. It Feels Like a Part of Me Is Dead

Jeffree was watching his dogs play in the yard while he absentmindedly ate Funfetti frosting, straight from the container, with a gold-plated spoon.

Jeffree’s phone buzzed - it was a text from his publicist, who did what he could to salvage Jeffree’s image whenever something controversial happened. That meant he had to proactively look out for controversies in the general YouTube world as well.

_ -Shane Dawson's been killed. _

Jeffree could hardly dare to believe this. Shane was certainly controversial, but he didn’t think it would ever go  _ this  _ far.

Jeffree and Shane had been chummy for a few years...they had made some high-quality content together, but since then, Jeffree had learned of Shane’s scummy past, and eventually stopped talking to him. The truth couldn’t be denied - Shane had, on many occasions, filmed himself saying and doing bad stuff to preteen girls, and had even admitted to at least one instance of animal abuse. Shane had taken a long break from the internet, but he had still insisted on coming back, against most people’s advice - someone must have  _ really  _ wanted to stop him from doing so. Jeffree’s mind raced as he tried to think of who could have killed Shane. Certainly not Trisha - she didn’t seem like the murderous type. Could it have been one of those drama YouTube channels, trying to stir up even more drama? 

Jeffree got more news later in the day.

_ \--It appears that Shane had his hands duct taped together behind his back and was shot in the chest. And at some point, he was hit over the head with a Conspiracy eyeshadow palette. There were bits of eyeshadow in his hair. Nothing was stolen - this was definitely something personal against Shane. _

_ \--My goodness. I know people hate Shane, but this sounds weird. _

_ \--Yep. Sure does. _

_ \--Are they investigating Ryland? The spouse is  _ always  _ a prime suspect in murder cases. I always thought something seemed fishy about him. _

_ \--I don’t know. I assume they are. _

Jeffree started to cry - he couldn’t help it. As much as he hated Shane now, Shane had been really nice to him in the past. Their collaboration had been a big boost to Jeffree’s channel and name recognition. And Shane still had to have so many fans who would be devastated. 

Jeffree put the frosting down on the kitchen counter and went outside to get the dogs to lick his tears away.


	7. It's the Jeffree Show

Jeffree was still feeling shocked and melancholy the following afternoon. He was glad that Jake was coming over soon - he really needed the distraction. He couldn’t be thinking about Shane all the time without melting into an emotional mess.

When he arrived at Jeffree's house, Jake noticed that Jeffree was a lot quieter than usual. “What’s going on?” he asked.

“Something happened with another YouTuber that upset me, that’s all,” said Jeffree, tossing his hair back in an attempt to look a little livelier. “I really don’t feel like talking about it. I just want to spend time with you.”

Jeffree was already in one of the expensive bathrobes he liked to wear around his house. He offered one to Jake as well. “Want to get cozy?” he asked. “I just feel like cuddling for a while.”

Jeffree thought of a really good distraction - a bit of metaphorical time travel. “Want to see some pictures of me from, I don't know, circa 2008?”

“Sure!” said Jake.

Jeffree scrolled through pictures he’d saved on his phone, showing Jake how he had looked back when he was young and didn’t have much money - years before he could afford Gucci or plastic surgery. (And not that long after he'd landed on Earth.)

Jake was fascinated by Jeffree’s photos. “I think you should dye your hair pink again,” he said.

“You think so?” Jeffree looked down bashfully and self-consciously tucked his currently-blond hair behind one ear. “That could be fun.”

“It looked good on you then and I think it would look just as good now...Seriously, I would love to see you recreate some of those old hairstyles. I like the idea of having a pink-haired boyfriend.”

“Boyfriend?” Jeffree repeated, suddenly a bit flustered. “I...I didn’t think we were boyfriends...you’re just someone I’m hanging out with.”

“We could be boyfriends though. You’re the only guy I’m seeing right now.” Jake looked sincerely into Jeffree’s eyes, reaching over to put his hand on Jeffree’s arm.

“Um…” Jeffree wasn’t sure what to say. “I haven’t called anyone my boyfriend since Nate left. I’m not ready for that.”

“Okay.” Jake was disappointed. “This doesn’t change anything between us though, right?”

“Actually...no, it doesn’t. We can still hang out. I want to keep seeing you. You’re the only person I really enjoy being around right now.”

“Sounds like a boyfriend to me.”

“Okay, Jake. I suppose a lot of people would call us that. I’m just not ready to replace Nate.” _I miss him so much,_ Jeffree thought.

Jake cuddled Jeffree closer. “I understand, Jeffree. We can keep ‘hanging out’ as much as you want.”

Jeffree was ready to change the subject. “Okay, back to my hair. You said pink, right?”

“Yeah. And how about that eyeliner? You were _hot!_ "

Jeffree leaned in closer and gave Jake a kiss on the cheek. “I hope you still think I’m hot now,” he said in a sultry tone.

“Of course!” Jake said. Jeffree smiled, knowing that Jake wouldn’t have answered any other way.

Once they had finished going through the photos, Jeffree got another idea.

"Back in the day, I recorded an album and a few EPs...want to take a listen?"

"Sure!" Jake said, always eager to learn more about Jeffree.

Jeffree went to get his laptop. "This was my first music video," he said, feeling happily nostalgic. "It's low-budget, but I think it's pretty iconic."

> _If I can't be beautiful, I'd rather. just. die.  
>  _ _So self-obsessed with my mascara and mistakes  
>  _ _Vanity's like a funeral, and everyone's at my wake  
>  _ _Before I run out of air, there's more makeup to apply  
>  _ _Doll eyes stare into valium colored skies  
>  _ _I got a sweet tooth and strawberry youth  
>  _ _You wanna be my licorice and misguided truth  
>  _ _And right now, I'll show you how  
>  _ _I'm a beauty killer_

"Wow." Jake was enthralled. "So you've always been into makeup then?"

"Ever since my teens," said Jeffree, smiling at Jake. "I think it’s pretty obvious my mind was on makeup and sugar back then, just like now...plus, of course, goth death references. Here's another music video - this is one of the songs I'm proudest of."

> _I want ...a love...so good...  
>  _ _So good that it'll make me sick  
>  _ _To touch, but I need it  
>  _ _You are the Love to my Cobain  
>  _ _Blood to my blade  
>  _ _And you're no good for me baby, no good  
>  _ _You are the pin in my grenade  
>  _ _Can't pull you away  
>  _ _And you're no good for me baby, no good  
>  _ _Give me kisses again…_

"That's amazing," said Jake.

"Wait til you hear some of my other songs...honestly I ran out of ideas for lyrics, so a lot of these are just me trying to be offensive and shocking, because that was a way to get people to pay attention to me…I liked writing lyrics that said things like 'I wear lipstick, I like to party, I'm gonna steal your boyfriend, I'm gonna steal your girlfriend, I'm going to say all the bad words I can, I'm gonna fuck everyone, did I mention I wear lipstick? I'm super famous. Also I'm gonna kill you.'"

Jake laughed.

"Just you wait," said Jeffree. “There’s this…”

> _I wear lipstick, and I'll fuck your bitch  
>  _ _I got a big stick, wanna take a lick?_

“And then there’s this…”

> _Fuck me, I'm a celebrity  
>  _ _Can't take your hands off me  
>  _ _I know you wanna suck me, what you waiting for?_

"Oh wow. Yeah. That's... something," said Jake. He had put his hands over his face in an embarrassed way and was peeking out between his fingers.

Jeffree laughed and smiled at Jake's apparent discomfort, not to be mean, but because he knew Jake would be just fine.

"It is very _you,_ though," said Jake. "I mean, you could text me those lyrics and I'd be like, 'Yes, Jeffree! I'll be right over!'"

"Mmmm, yeah girl!" said Jeffree. "I know you would. How about this one? I think it’s pretty obvious I don’t go to the gym, but for some reason I decided to write a song full of gym metaphors."

> _Work me out, let’s get physical  
>  _ _Wear me out, let’s get physical  
>  _ _You might get agoraphobic, so come inside  
>  _ _Come on, let's see some more aerobic exercise  
>  _ _Take me for a test drive, a different kind of fitness  
>  _ _Do you want to hit this, do you want to hit this_

“Wow Jeffree, that chorus is catchy!” said Jake. “But the part where you say ‘aerobic exercise’? ‘Aerobic’ is _not_ a sexy word, Jeffree! And 'agoraphobic'? Really not feeling that one either."

Jeffree laughed. He would probably have gotten mad at anyone else who criticized his lyrics, but Jake could say whatever he wanted, as long as it was all in good fun.

> _Enter my construction zone  
>  _ _Make me moan, danger prone_

"Construction zone???" asked Jake. "What is that even supposed to mean?"

"I don't even know," said Jeffree. "I think I was just trying to find words that rhymed at that point."

> _Straight boys, where you at?  
>  _ _I'm a boyfriend kleptomaniac_

"Okay, I just find this one hilarious," said Jake. "How did you sing that with a straight face? No pun intended."

“Because I thought I was all that and a bag of Pringles,” said Jeffree, causing Jake to laugh even more.


	8. Let Me Make It Safe and Sound

Jeffree awoke early in the morning; Jake was asleep beside him, having stayed the night again. The dogs were still mostly asleep, too. 

Jeffree gazed at Jake, admiring his smooth, tan skin and moderately defined muscles. Jeffree was pleasantly surprised by how much Jake seemed to like him. Jeffree was almost unbelievably skinny, which was normal on his home planet but certainly not the ideal for Earth men. That was a major reason why Jeffree had been collecting tattoos all over his body since his arrival - it was as if they were a second skin that could distract people from his odd shape. As much as Jeffree enjoyed doing semi-nude photoshoots and writing song lyrics like “It’s not a party til my clothes come off,” he had a hard time believing that anyone would find him attractive in more than an artistic sense. He got hundreds of adoring comments on his Instagram posts, but those people didn’t know him personally. Jeffree felt that his stans loved to see him as an aesthetic object, which was fine - he viewed his carefully staged photos as works of art - but that was quite different from someone finding him attractive enough to want to interact with in real life. He'd had a few cosmetic procedures done over the years to try to boost his sex appeal - he especially liked his surgically sculpted rear ass...ets. But he still felt too skinny everywhere else for anyone to really want to date him. Somehow, Nate had seen past that, and now Jake had, too. 

Jeffree felt that a first casual encounter didn’t really mean anything - at that point the other person just cared that you had a functional body and were at least average-looking. But Jake had come back for more, and that meant that he actually saw Jeffree as a desirable person worth being with, which was a high compliment indeed.

Jeffree turned over to look at his phone. There were a few texts from his personal assistant, which wasn't unusual. But the most recent message seemed pretty important...

_ \--Did you hear the news about James Charles?!?! _

That kid was always getting himself into trouble. What could it be now? 

_ \--No, what? _

_ \--He was attacked. He got stabbed. I don't know if he's even alive or not. _

"What?!" said Jeffree aloud, waking up Jake and the dogs. 

"What is it?" mumbled Jake.

Jeffree didn't even know where to begin. "There's this kid named James Charles - he's a YouTuber - nobody believed me at first when I said he was a predator - nooooo this can't be happening…"

"What did he do?" asked Jake, concerned.

Jeffree took a deep breath to calm down a bit. "I don't know if _he_ did anything, but someone stabbed him."

Jeffree Googled James's name and found more details about the gruesome crime.

"He was stabbed with a LOUBOUTIN LIPSTICK?!"

"How do you stab someone with lipstick?" asked Jake.

"Well, the Louboutin lipsticks are in a case that's sharp and pointy, you know, reminiscent of Louboutin shoes?"

Jake did not, in fact, know what Jeffree was talking about.

"But I don't think it's sharp enough to stab someone!" continued Jeffree. "Did they stab him with something else first and then just shove it in there to be dramatic?"

Another text came in, this time from Jeffree's publicist.

_ \--Jeffree, are you okay? _

_ \--Yes, I'm in bed still. I just heard the news about James Charles. _

_ \--This worries me, Jeffree.  _ _ With Shane's murder and now James, we can't ignore the possibility that someone is trying to frame you, considering your close ties to each of them...or they're just going after big makeup Youtubers in general, in which case, you could be the next target. I want you to lie low for a few days, okay? At least you're in Wyoming and not in California. But please don't leave your house for a few days. We need to figure out exactly what's going on. _

_ -Okay. _

Jeffree's hands were shaking a bit as he responded.

"What's going on?" Jake asked. "Are you okay?"

Jeffree silently held up the phone so Jake could see the text message conversation.

"No!" gasped Jake. "Nobody can hurt you. I won't let them."

Jeffree was surprised, yet pleased to hear Jake feeling possessive over him.

"It has nothing to do with you," said Jeffree. "I've got security guards. And these Youtubers who are getting attacked are in California, not here."

"I'll stay with you," said Jake.

"You'd do that?"

"Yeah, for a few days while all this is being investigated. I don't want you to have to go through this alone."

Jeffree impulsively hugged Jake, holding onto him tightly.

"I love you," he said.

"I love you too, Jeffree."

They both felt a bit awkward at this being the situation that had made them say those three little words for the first time. But there's nothing like the prospect of danger to make you realize just how much you care about someone.


End file.
